Introduction

EUGENE PARKER: Indeed, my friends, it has been many hours since we have arrived here at Pierce, and we are still unfed.

MILTON FRIEDMAN: Perhaps we may turn our attention to another pertinent matter. From time to time, we citizens may find ourselves in need of a restroom on campus. But yet, many students have had a similar query: which restrooms are superior to the others? That is to say, which restrooms are characterized by a singular excellence that the others lack?

MICHAEL JONES: But Milton, I do not understand.

MILTON: Ah, my dear Michael. It is indeed rather simple: some restrooms, being more restroomy than others, are inherently characterized by a sense of betterness that other bathrooms do not achieve.

MICHAEL: By Zeus, you have made it so clear.

MILTON: One may compare this to a situation at the cavernous reading room at Harper Library: when the light shines in through the tall stained glass windows, the oftentimes sleeping patrons are, on occasion, awoken by the rich colors that have seeped into their study space. These patrons, being naive and uneducated collegians, have no idea as to how this ethereal light has arrived in their library; in the same manner, some restrooms on campus are better than others.

EUGENE: Indeed, it must be so.

MILTON: In that case, we must first undertake a survey of many restrooms in order to establish that which makes a restroom superior to others. Let us commence this study summarily.


Simha